There's music in love, love in music, and life is all in between

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Explaining love through Camus (written in 2003)


I seem to be doing the very same thing day after day and I can’t help but feel like Sisyphus and his rock. Camus said we should live out different experiences and realize that life is actually an absurdity. I realize I haven’t lived out different experiences and yes, my life is an absurdity. I feel an emptiness I can’t seem to fill, and no matter how much I try I always end up right where I started with the same feelings. The absurdity of my life is the hope that things will somehow change and I will be a different person, an absurd hope.

It is the absurd hope, because no matter where I am, or what different hobby i'm working in, somehow I come back with the same loneliness and desperation and the hope that one day it will go away.

love. Everywhere you turn love slaps you in the face, we have given such an importance to love, that we let ourselves be attracted to the feelings of being conquered and forget that after a few months he/she will feel like your brother or sister. That love that lasts forever is so rare and we want it so bad that sometimes we just let ourselves believe we actually found it and we aren’t even close to it.

So then there’s this constant tale of a “love-story” that you keep trying to buy so you won’t feel as though you actually are just with this person because you don’t want to be alone. The truth is no one wants to be alone, and yet when you actually are with that someone who you claim to “love”, but are really thinking when that perfect-in-every-way person will come along, you are actually alone, maybe even with a stronger feeling of loneliness than when your by yourself.
So, I was sitting down watching this movie in which the guy proclaims his devoted love to this girl and she turns him down, then magically realizes she loves him. Like that actually happens. The truth is 90% of the time the other person says “nope, I don’t like you” they won’t change their mind. But of course apart from the exceptions, there’s always the rebound. The poor guy/girl won’t know what hit them! If the person actually comes back it’s because they are definitely on the rebound and thus see this “devotion” to be an answer for a broken heart. This will do two things: prevent them from getting their heart broken and fill the void, for a while.

But having now relived and experienced pure upset, I finally understand that the reality is we don’t know what we have until we lose it. Since the person you thought you really didn’t love was always there, devoted and understanding you take them for granted, until they realize they don’t need that and let you go. Then and there is when you go “oh my god” I love him. But that oh my god came to late and you are left stranded on the sidewalk with no way of catching that car ever again.

Then and there is your broken heart, yup, its unmendable. You’ve sunk into your own abyss, and again you feel hopeless and lonely. So in what moment is it that we will actually ever feel complete?

5 comments:

'Thought & Humor' said...

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.
As soon as we acknowledge
this Supreme Designer/Architect,
Who has erected the beauteous
fabric of the universe, our minds
must necessarily be ravished with
wonder at this infinate goodness,
wisdom and power.


Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.


Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
Dr. Howdy

'Thought & Humor'

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."


{Please note that this letter about your
esteemed site promotes no merchandise -
but is simply a missive of good will to you.}

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