There's music in love, love in music, and life is all in between

Monday, November 28, 2005


you my love, have become my door to the past, and my window for the future. i hope on day i get to have someone as beautiful and insightful as you. with only less than a year you have shown me what it feels like to feel unconditional love, to care for something so pure, near or far your always in my heart. my beautiful niece.

esa e mi bebe (she's not mine... but she's mine) se parece a mi nanananana.... le salieron dientitos (tiene cuatro, pero eso dos son tan grande que cuentan por dos mas jeje). again i will say

i have loved you, in the idea of you, my whole life long

Sunday, November 27, 2005

im really bored

last kiss: early this evening (its girlfriend duty j/k)

last cigarette: like 3 hours ago… I need one now

last good cry: a good good good good good cry like 8 months ago(it sucked it did).. a good
whateverish cry like 2 months ago…

last library book checked out: I buy books I don’t rent them

last movie seen: last movie I saw on tv was romy and michele(last night.. I was bored it was 3 in the morning not a lot to watch)

last book read: Couples that kill

last cuss word uttered: no jodas (I don’t like to cuss so mind you this was yesterday my sister said I was stupid to go to the salon before the gym [helloo I have class afterward] it was the only time I could go)

last beverage drank: soda last night

last food consumed: a piece of airhead

last phone call: jaime…. Before that laura…

last tv show watched: veronica mars episode 209 (I have to download them)

last shoes worn: a pair of my sisters shoes that mind you were big on me (just by a little) they were like boho type thingy

last cd played: Mystery repeated (a cd I made which contained artists like PANDA, sheridan, ari herst, dashboard, something corporate, bla bla bla)
last item bought: hmmm I bought 3 tshirts one says that’s hot and in the back says your not, the other says don’t be jealous, and team aniston and a hollister skirt….. im addicted

last download: Bill engvall (comedy)

last annoyance: nothing good to buy today at the store.

last disappointment: today between 3 and 5 *hint, hint*

last soda drank: coca cola

last thing handwritten: a poem I wrote using songs by dashboard. I’ll post it later

last word spoke: bye

last sleep: at 4 in the morning… woke up at like 1

last IM: nelly (who didn’t answer)

last weird encounter: tono en el parquesito

last ice cream eaten: prailines caramel crunch

last amused: an hour ago watching pablo francisco

last time wanting to die: see that’s a problem, I have an intense fear of death, I’d have to say like 9 months or so ago during my good good good good cry

last time hugged: last night

last time scolded: like a week ago.. but I scold back

last chair sat in: pc chair

last lipstick used: lip gloss (I don’t use lipstick my lips are perfect the way they are *Narcissist*) it tasted like watermelon

last shirt worn: I think it was the one that says jesus is my rockstar… or was it the christian dior… im not sure… one of them two

last time dancing: i World say last night but that wasnt really really dancing so lets say last Saturday and hopefully today
last poster looked at: uno que dice strength in the gym

1 MINUTE AGO: i was...filling up this questionnaire

1 HOUR AGO: listening to panda and talking to frank

1 DAY AGO: I was watching a veronica mars marathon with my sister

1 WEEK AGO: writing something (I don’t drink so I cant say that :S)

1 YEAR AGO: having dinner with erik watching passion de gavilanes and eating dinner

1. What do you most like about your body?everything now (everything is getting hard… it’s the gyms job)

2. And least? My hair(I want it to be long again wahhhh)

3. How many fillings do you have? I don’t know…

4. Do you think you're good looking? Uhh YEAH

5. Do other people tell you that you're good looking? Jejeje yes…

First job: my dad’s company… i lasted 3 days… havent worked ever since.. oh wait I volunteered at a childrens home but they closed, it wasn’t working it was pleasure

First screen name: Witchy
First funeral: a friend’s brother
First pet: a cat
First piercing/tattoo: out of the norm… my belly button
First Kiss: jaja manny (yeezzz that was long ago)
First one that mattered: tricky question….i’ll go with raul and erik
First love: dammit trickier… first love… manuel (de llovio) no se hagan illusiones (sorry I know lots of manuels)

First enemy: stace probably she was my first enemy my best friend then worst enemy then best friend.. then we grew up…

First concert: I don’t remember

Tipsy

my cat, my dog and a really crappy song on.... im a little wasted... maybe not wasted lets say im happy. You'll should know i dont drink alcohol so this has been my first drink since a year or so ago... i usually am just happy with my natural high, than using substances to bring my cheers up.. today though... IT WORKED! so i'll probably regret everything tomorrow... but its yet to come...

im listening to Panda this group that since cuando las cosas no son como debieran ser, really good song about you know hate me cause its better and whatever, you suck... i'll dedicate it to... wait im not that drunk hehehehe....


i make a mountain out of my life.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

at the beach....

ok so my mother's best friend was here for like two weeks and she went to this resort to releave stress; to my own surprise my mother said i should go to the beach on a wed. and take my sister along(who works...sorta....does it count when your boss is your dad?). so i thought nicee... ROAD TRIP!... so the events of the day go as follow

before choosing whose car we'd go in

*thinking* this girl will not let me smoke in her car... due to the fact that shes in it... but my car has been acting funny... ok who cares... i need a cigarrette....

[in my car]

vieja i dont like that song change it.... change it.... change it.... [listen a bit].... change it....

(driving in the highway)

dude... this car trembles if i go faster than 80 mph... ya seee why i need a new car...

(pop)

did i just get a flat tire.... stick your head out the window... i did didnt i?.... well dont laugh about it

(parking in some really weird restaurant or whatever)

great... who are we suppose to call.... fine you go over to the gas station and ill stay here

*thinking* well if something happens to one of us, at least they will have the other one instead of both... that skirt she's wearing is really short...ahhh no wonder it was trembling after 80mph its because i had a bad tire or whatever... i shouldve gone to the gas station my skirt is longer....

(some guy comes and i look around for my sister)

([in spanish] she didnt want me to give her a ride)

[thump thump... she came walking back]

smart girl... you got money you pay him. mind you i do have two other flat tires in the trunk... hopefully this one's good...

yes i do have 3 flat tires currently in my trunk. its not that i cant drive well... its that eveyone else drives horribly.....

[3 hours later] we are finally at the beach, enjoying the sun, i decide to take a dip or not really go in but sit near the shore and feel the water wash up near my feet.

*thinking* how nice is this beach, i could live like this... i could... cant wear the bottom part of my bathing suit cause aunt flow decided to come over yesterday, but its still nice to..

[phew blah pui]

dammit... im not suppose to get wet here! damn wave... wait my eye... ahh i got sand in my eye... fine if im already wet i might as well enjoy the water

(move a little closer.. but still far enough to be able to sit on the sand without drowning)

*thinking* this water is nice... god this place brings back old memories, my skip day was here... that was so long ago.. or was it my graduation trip... whichever they both bring back special memories... god i miss the drama and the everything about highschool. maybe i could pretend im 18 again and go to school... nope that would suck i mean i wouldnt do someone 3 years younger than me....

(mind you although this take lots of space it really was a 3 second conversation with my brain)

[blah, pui, yuck, bang]

ok this is not funny the waves arent suppose to be so big in the shore and i should be thrown back by them....

(the thinking(which im really not gonna tell you what it was about but helped me remember stuff) went on for like 2 more hours.. so did the waves splashing on and over me... and the sand getting on my bathing suit, board shorts, hair & other places....

[music in the ipod] playlist- still missing... song of choice: strangers again- ari herst

the sun shone bright as i walked through the sand actually expecting to see another set of footsteps beside mine, but there were none. every thought and memory seemed to be invading me in a never-ending attempt of my heart to beat me down. but as the sea erased the trace of where my feet had once been, so did the memories of love stories obligerated from my mind. often had i wished of coming back here, hoping one day it be for other reasons than to reminisce in silence. and like the passion in which a wave crashes into the shore and retreats back into the sea, so did i crash into my own beliefs and gently pushed away the recollections of adulation that once inhabitated here. he, the inamorato that had left me desirous now becomes an unflattering host.
7 things I plan to do before I die:

1) get married.
2) have lots of kids.
3) publish something.
4)help change somebody's world and destiny for the better of course
5) fufill my destiny.
6) adopt a child.
7) run a center for orphans.

7 things I can do:
1) write.
2) make the best brownies.
3) do a knot with a cherry stem (i guess that makes me a good kisser) .
4) feel empathy towards others.
5) love easily.
6) shop wisely.
7) Procrastinate.

7 things I cannot do:

1) Save money.
2) skii on water(not that ive ever tried... but im good at skiing in snow)
3) forgive and forget.
4) go to bed before 3
5) express any emotions during a fight or ackward situations or shock situations.
6) i cannot, will not stop thinking too much.
7) cook without a recipe and even then its still hard (but i can bake).

7 things that attract me to another person:
1) eyes.
2) mystery.
3) creativeness.
4) smile.
5) ability to do as i command(not that i always get it, but a girl can dream)
6) smartness
7) can make good conversations.

7 things I say most often:
1) Dude.
2) vieja
3) its like when.... (and it never ends)
4) i'm thinking...
5) dont misunderstand the situation,
6) que pique....
7) i'm shopping or lets go shopping or i really want to buy something.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Strangers again

i was sitting with a friend the other day talking about the usual love hysteria and the conversation went a little like this?

me: its not that difficult to understand. when you fall in love with someone and then suddenly you guys go your seperate ways (nice way of putting it) its like you become strangers again.

anon: isnt that a song?

me: what are you talking about

anon: that song by ari hest that says (trying to sing it) long before we ever touch long before we knew too much i wish we were strangers again.and bla bla bla bla

me: what does that have to do with this?

anon: well, if you were strangers you wouldnt have to go through all that ackwardness of sitting in the same table with your ex-love and having to ignore each other at all cost. its like you wouldnt have to deal get it?

me: yeah but then there is the probability that you would fall for each other again if you were strangers cause you didnt go through everything.

anon: you think it would have been different under other circumstances. like a look would have been enough to change everything or a touch or like if he hadnt smelled your hair, or invited you to the movies or tell you you look pretty today.

me: dude you just went through like 4 years of MY life in a sentence

anon: jejeje yeah whatever, better use your experiences than mine. but now everything is like that song psycho.

me: what is it you do? imagine a certain scene in your life and put music to it

anon: yes.....

me: jejeje i do that alot too....how does that one go?

anon: imagine an awesome guitar (mimicking guitar sounds) then it goes: that guy is a psycho and everybody's saying that i must be crazy, he loves me he hates me doesnt really matter cause i know we are who we are...

me: ah! thats the one by sheridan.

anon: wait im not done... (yelling) but im never right never wrong cant seem to make up my mind, there is no lie going on in my head, how long should i wait everytime you run away, how long should try i never get it right why do you push me away like everybody else you push me further away.

me: bitter.... buttttt: (singing) i dreamt that i woke up and everything was alright, and he wasnt waiting so much for sanity cause nothing ever changes but i know we are who we are

anon: whatever (drinking) you want?

me:i dont drink alcohol. (i'm alcohol intolerant) i should write a poem about that... it go: when was it that i stopped recognizing you, you who knew me a little too much, with whom i shared dreams and kisses. when was it that life simple ran off through my finger tips. wouldnt it be better to have met only in our imagination. perhaps we wouldnt have to wear these masks and stare in disillusion at the sky, wondering when was it i lost mine. so sad to watch go, knowing today we stand side by side only as acquaintences of circumstances that life shared with us. i wish you'd comprehend that for some reason, for some sign seeing you reminds me of someone that i'd lost long ago.

anon: you didnt just make it up

me: of course i did... look at me ciggarrette in one hand, staring far into the abyss... im a bitter sweet poet. its easy i just think of a word or a song and imagine what people would want to hear, its like describing emotions.

anon: whatever lets go...

me: suit yourself, i was gonna buy you another drink

anon: in that case lets stay (sip sip)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Letter to Karma

KARMA
(dean of what goes around comes around [wgca])
heaven avenue
WWJD building


Dear Karma,

are you there karma? its me... shei...
I was wondering if maybe from the bottom of your big pink heart you could erase a few of my bad karma choices and so i can get off with a warning and a clean slate. so i'm sorry for;

*making fun of that one girls hair.

*contributing to the delinquency(not really a delinquent but you get the idea... right?) of an adolescent.

*for reading unnamed girl's diary(for the record... it didnt really have anything interesting in it and i repent on it... i wasted my time)

*for singing really loudly when everyone else was asleep (in my defense, i tried to sing them back to sleep.... they didnt like it)

*Stealing unnamed girl's boyfriend (wrong choice of judgement, i did give him back though... i get points for that right?)

*for using my abilities of writing/manipulation/creativity to write very hurtful emails for and to other people and actually sending them (i was helping them.... i should get good points for that too)

*reading people's chatlog... printing them... outlining them.... emailing them.... laughing about them.... teaching other people about them.. saving them... naming them.... you know the whole shabang (..........help........)

*yelling at someone in public (he/she wasnt listening... what was i suppose to do... wait?!)

*listening in on other peoples conversation and then commenting them with my co-conspirator (i had helpppp it's not like i acted alone)

i doubtedly will ever make a list (im no earl hickey) but i promise to try really really hard not to do them again... and just in a case i do... im sorry :)... you're a great gal karma, please let me know if you have any difficulties fufilling the erasing of my rap sheet. please convince the big man on top to allow this one time.

with love...
shei


  • this is letter is fiction (for the brainless that means this writing was produced from imagination and not necessarily is based on fact)... i wrote this for kicks and laughs

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Sharpened



A Box Full Of Sharp Objects.....



and when you get cut from the piece of broken glass that seems to point out of my heart, will you look at your bleeding hand and faint? or will you hold on as tight as ever... and if you do hold on and feel your chest getting hurt from the needle that seems to have found a place inside your chest, will you pull it out and disregard me.. or will you look deeply into my broken heart and pick up the piece? slowly removing all that seems to pierce my soul and yours?




[ipod on]

playlist of choice- saying im sorry....

check that off...

playlist of choice- emotion is dead

song of choice- i know/ trespassers william

inspiration factor- 8/10

Significance of song- knowing that all they had is gone and knowing she'll never be there with him again.... bitter...

[singing]

I know that if i waited i know that if i wait a thousand days will lie wasted with thoughts of you

[thinking]

........ beebop?....... not getting any signals from my brain... is this writers block?

[sigh]

deep thought....[sigh] nothing

*its blank... yup its totally blank....*