There's music in love, love in music, and life is all in between

Monday, January 30, 2006

Loving you is a test

she sits at the end of the stairs staring
he looks past her as though she were a ghost
that he cant seem to see.

she smiles as her friends come greet her and
ask her to dance, but inside shes just hoping
if she sits there long enough he'll notice
she's waiting.

the voice inside her head wants her to give up,
her heart the fearless soldier of her soul wants
her to keep fighting.

she looks at the horizon wondering if the sea ends
there and if life is really like the waves having
the high tides but eventually reseading back
into the abyss.

----0----0----0-----0-----0------0-----0-----0----0----0----0----0----

i find it in the corner it's old and rusted
it hasnt been used in a long time, i cant
seem to make it work.
i try scraping away the rust but a hole takes
its place instead. in an effort to get this
fixed, i call up the mechanic. "bring it to
me, give me a few days, i'll try my best to fix
it".
in a effort to control my impatience i start polishing
the stand where i plan to put it after its renewed.
as the days pass i go up to the mechanic who gives
me the piece still looking rusted, old and barely
working. he says he got me a new one if i wanted to
trade. he showed me this shiny looking thing. i reflect
on my decision and decide to take mine home, "wouldnt
a new one be the easiest decision". i look at the
rusted heart and say "it might, but wouldnt be the same
i just needed help getting it to run again"

Monday, January 16, 2006

A letter to the Leaf Robber:-

i wished i had known you back when i was young, perhaps you would have liked me, i guess ill never know. i hear the stories about you, often wondering how you really lived and what happened to you after you visited that health thief. Many say you ran away, some say you just lost your ways; i'd like to think you finally saw other moments of happiness before your time was called. i'd wish your son had known you better, at least not only till he was 2, maybe if they had never left you, i could have met you if only for some time. you did leave me something behind (apart from the greatest man i've known) you also gave me your hereditary traits, some that have caused me trouble back in the old days. but the times have changed and i learn quickly not to let it get the best of me, not being as mad as you, but always a little borderline to normal. i'd like to think you'd have been a great to meet, we couldve have sat under trees and collected some ackward things.
i feel like there is this invisible wall that stands between us
and i wanted things to have played out differently
i wished i was something closer to what you had been
hoping for.


ID GO SO FAR TO PLEASE YOU BUT I KNOW YOU WOULDNT CARE AT ALL!

I DIDNT THINK YOU'D BE LIKE THAT, THINK YOU ARE RIGHT BUT YOU'RE SO WRONG

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Go team

so im in orlando right now and i could say this trip has been about reminiscing and thinking about what i want/need. so this group of people have helped me come to conclusions, come to other confusions, and be able to view how i am in the eyes of others.

a week ago i wanted nothing more than to go back home and just forget i ever decided to come to this trip cause it was nothing of what i expected. having a week long buffy marathon isnt exactly my idea of fun. but that all changed when i came to orlando and started hanging out with the most beautiful family i have ever met... and ivan. Go team was the motto for our little mini golf game (my team won thanks to me.... HURRA HURRA). i tried new things, i actually got into a rollercoaster (peer pressure) and went to universal got into one ride and paid nothing (feeling like a cheat here :P). but most of all i had fun and loads of sadness. there are things im still trying to understand and fears i have yet to overcome.


in this pavilion filled with sentiments
of discomfort i stand solemly
and quietly weep

in the outskirts i see a glimpse of hope
only to be tossed back by disillusion.

i try to reach the door and perhaps lock myself
inside but the strong wind of jealousy
keeps me back.

disregarded from the pack i decided to
sit this fight out repressing the
competitive streak i hold inside.

staring as an outsider to the fight
between my own soul and mind, i try
to understand, but i am left in
confussion.