so im in orlando right now and i could say this trip has been about reminiscing and thinking about what i want/need. so this group of people have helped me come to conclusions, come to other confusions, and be able to view how i am in the eyes of others.
a week ago i wanted nothing more than to go back home and just forget i ever decided to come to this trip cause it was nothing of what i expected. having a week long buffy marathon isnt exactly my idea of fun. but that all changed when i came to orlando and started hanging out with the most beautiful family i have ever met... and ivan. Go team was the motto for our little mini golf game (my team won thanks to me.... HURRA HURRA). i tried new things, i actually got into a rollercoaster (peer pressure) and went to universal got into one ride and paid nothing (feeling like a cheat here :P). but most of all i had fun and loads of sadness. there are things im still trying to understand and fears i have yet to overcome.
in this pavilion filled with sentiments
of discomfort i stand solemly
and quietly weep
in the outskirts i see a glimpse of hope
only to be tossed back by disillusion.
i try to reach the door and perhaps lock myself
inside but the strong wind of jealousy
keeps me back.
disregarded from the pack i decided to
sit this fight out repressing the
competitive streak i hold inside.
staring as an outsider to the fight
between my own soul and mind, i try
to understand, but i am left in