There's music in love, love in music, and life is all in between

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Never Underestimate my Jesus

"But he knows the way that i take; when he has tested me, i will come forth as gold"
job 23:10

"A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult"
proverbs 12:16

"HEAR O LORD, OUR RIGHTEOUS PLEA; LISTEN TO MY CRY. GIVE EAR TO MY PRAYER- IT DOES NOT RISE FROM DECEITFUL LIPS. MAY MY VINDICATION COME FROM YOU; MAY YOUR EYES SEE WHAT IS RIGHT"

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

You begin to wonder....

Playlist of choice: Today I hate you

Song of choice: How to save a life- the fray

Thought of the moment: The wind that blew my heart away.... go ahead and try to catch it.


HOW CAN YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND STILL LIE?

NOT THAT YOURE THE ONE, NOT TO SAY IM RIGHT, NOT TO SAY TODAY, AND NOT TO SAY A THING TONIGHT. SUFFICE IT TO SAY, YOURE LEAVING THINGS UNSAID.

Monday, March 20, 2006

you go right ill go left


i would like to go out into nowhere
and maybe bring you along.
we could build new lives where no one
knows our names. you can help me
change my hair so no one would recognize
me.

i would like to spend some time out in
nowhere if only you'd tag along. id bring
only books and a blanket. i would like to
spend some time in nowhere where the waves
crash at my feet as i lay under the midnight
sky, but only if you'd be there with me.

how can you not want a night like this,
a night to fall in love in?
would you wanna fall inlove with me?
i can try and sing you to sleep of only
youd whisper words of commitment, under a
night like this.

id like to dissapear out here in nowhere,
but only if youd come along.

they may be a million, but theres only some special ones

so we have this discussion of whos my best friends .. cause you all say i have like a million of them... but i never could explain the reason why i love you.

1.Francisco:
i love you cause you tell me to call you everytime i get home, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU and i have fun around you. because you take care of me and my car, im sorry but i feel thats important too. because we do everyhing together and i love having someone who i can depend on and i hope you know you can depend on me... whats mine is yours and whats yours... well it obviously has to be mine.you make me laugh

guillermo y yo
2.Guillermo
yo te quiero porque estas completamente loco y atascado en los 80's! you always like someone and im always there to give you advice on them and i love that. cause i can tell you everything (but youll tell the rest... so... why in the world do i tell you things) pk YO TE QUIERO y tu me da risa... y no se... tu ta crazy como yo

3.Rimsky (rims,prinsky)
because everytime i go to the uni the first thing i asked when i got there was where is my worse half... you... but that was before you got a girlfriend and got all weird on us... so.... youve gone down a few ranks... i hope you know that!!!!! but still you always know when im sad or when im gonna get sad. because we do mean things to other people (THEY DESERVED IT!)... nobody messes with my boys.


4.Frank

pk tu ta ma loco que yo y eres mi psicologo personal... plus its nice to have someone to discuss what my psych. told me and what your psych. told you and why doesnt mine do that. cause you help me with classes... cause you and i have.... you know.... we are just insane... i love that

5.Armando
diantreee entrate.... e k this love has grown into a beautiful flower baby... plus you brought along my new partner in crime, natalia...jiji... mua mua mua.

now the girls


1. STACEEEEE
my friend, we fight, we forgive... you know whats nice of finally being able to grow up how easily we get over things... i love it when you sleep over and when we talk about EVERYTHING. its like we never have ackward moments because we always have something to tell each other... cause we grew up together, cause i dont know your my sister from another mother!

2.laura

tu ta loca... y te encanta un chisme.... tu me pegas tus vainas y siempre alguien con kien ir a party party y todo el mundo tiene una percepcion equivocada de ti, pero mejor asi pa que nadie te me robe!pk aunque tu harta (siempre mirandote en el espejo, dejame esperando como 10 horas y siempre ya toy bajando cuando te busco, quejandote por todo) me encanta ta contigo... mi companera en maldad!

3.Sarina

dude... i cant believe my sister is my best friend that is soooooooo sad!i mean its just pathetic, but i wouldnt have it any other way. even if pms does make us get all on top of each other, you know i tell you everything EVERYTHING and i hope you do the same. DUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


1.MI FRANCHY LIN!!!!
eso e lo k yo ma kiero en ete mundoooooooo, tu sabe k yo siempre te voy a kere mucho mucho mucho mucho mucho tu ere cuenta aparte!
dandole un besito a mi linky

understanding the understood.

anon: what are you doing?

shei: thinking.

anon: thinking about what skirt to wear with us tonite?

shei: im thinking of how i should feel

anon: easy... feel fine!

shei: i feel fine... but you know what i miss most of having a boyfriend, having someone call just to say hi, i care about you, bye. the simple things you know.

anon: ok lets go out, im wearing my lucky jeans!

shei: im refuse to go out

anon: youre leaving me and my lucky jeans hanging?!

shei: unfortunatly... yes! men suck

anon: dont put us all in your little mess

shei: i suck, im so stupid stupid stupid.

anon: your stupid if you get like that plus YOU ARENT STUPID, YOUR NOT STUPID WHEN:

*you put your little skirt and go dancing with us!

*when we play pictionary and get drunk

shei:(cutting in) no im not... im still stupid.. that moment i was dumb and drunk.

anon: correction... you were HILARIOUS! i mean you broke a cup, a figurine and almost broke the whole table. let me continue... your not stupid when:

*you give really bad directions but stand on the street looking at some white bus waiting for us.

*when you hugs and kiss your friends just cuz

*when you draw your fucked up horse in pictionary

shei: heyyyyy it was with the left hand! please continue

anon: you drew it the same way with your right hand... face it you cant draw for shit.

shei: true

anon: continuing you dont suck when:

*you go out of your way to pick up your friends just cause you want them to play board games.

*you give everyone the chance to be completely comfortable around you

*you dont expect much from your friends except love and commitment... to the board games!

*when you break tables in doubles

(interruption) it was an accident

*when you make i hate you today playlists, but you know theres only love in that heart of yours.


shei: love to kick (beeep) ass

anon: righttt, youre incapable of violence.

shei: i bit you didnt i!?!

anon: true... i still got the scar

shei: whatever you started it.... you bit me first

anon: what are we 5

shei: CLOSE, but no we are actually 12!

anon: so what do your pjs look like.. i bet their boxers and a white tank top

shei: actually no, im wearing a shirt that says: girl on mission. 1. to find funny, sensitive guy. 2. to find funny, sensitive guy with a job. 3. to find funny, sensitive guy with a job and WITHOUT a girlfriend.. good luck! and pants with little hearts with wings in it.

anon: 2 late for that!

shei: yeah... noted!

ps. i didnt mean to hurt you

me: life is like a rollercoaster baby

anon: oh why is that.

me: cause it has its ups and down, but its a fun ride.

anon: so how have you been feeling?

me: like ive been running forever and cant find a place to rest, so im gasping for air, but i dont know how much longer i can hold on.

anon: ok so i asked how you were feeling, i didnt expect a metaphor

me: hehe you know me, always buzzing. but so far so good. i try my best to be a selfless human being. i always try to give the best of myself.

anon: dude you always say that, we know you're good thats great! you have to understand that perhaps you give people too much credit, you expect them to behave the same way you do and it doesnt work that way.

me: the world is a vampire?

anon: oh good... have you been listening to your today i hate you playlist again.

me:(blushing) no... yes... maybe... i got a new song.

anon: you have to stop torturing yourself, you can try to save the world but you cant always succeed at saving everyone.

me: cant i just save some...

anon: the ones you wanna safe are hopeless

me:(singing...out of key) should i be feeling guilty or let the judges frown... it may be over but it wont stop there i am here for you if youd only care... my heart was blinded by you.... ive been addicted to you... goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend you had been the one for me.

anon: thats so saddddd...

me: blame anon2 he gave me the song, i cried for like 3 hours.... then i got over it.

anon: that fast huh?

me: what... i cant spend eternity feeling guilty for letting go of something i love and loved me just because its just impossible to make it work... or should i?

anon: no you shouldnt...

me: and yet they hurt me, as though testing me to see if im made out of rock.

anon: ignore it.

me: (singing..on key this time) and im over this childish need for attention im over your constant threats of rejection, im over those eyes critizicing my every move... you were my disease but im finally free of your septic affection which has spread to my wounds but theyve already healed.

anon: dude...bye

me: dont go!!

anon: bye!

A new door, a new opportunity

“I lost a friend along this bitterness”

If only I could walk through time,
Would I make different choices?
Having seen where my decisions have
All guided me, would I do anything
Differently?

Would I sacrifice my soul to change my past?
And If I altered my life to free myself from
An emotion that’s eating through my soul,
Surrendering the knowledge I’ve gain through
Heartaches and pain, will that help at all?

Why can’t I just march into the future and see
What mysteries hide in there? And if I view
A life of painful experiences and stumbling
Stones, will I still have the courage to keep
On going already knowing the hardships that
Lie ahead or will I turn back an create a life
Where everything seems to be in black and
white?

And in the middle of the road, my present
Journey, I’ve been asking myself where did
I go wrong? Do I have the courage to leave
The past behind and leave the future ahead
In its time, live each day like it will never
End, and value the sunrises instead of dreading
The incoming sunset?


“So you think you can tell”

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Bottled up anger



quoting my emotions:

"ive sheltered my fears so they couldnt leave"

"my heart was blinded by you"

Stuck in a cage

Dear Karma,

are you there Karma, its me again.... sheila. Are you out there? Are you listening to me? i got a bone to pick with you karma!! i mean i dont get it, i said i was sorry for all the bad stuff i did and after that ive made it up to you. like:

*ive dutifully learn to accept people as they are and not as i want them to be... most of the time (welllll....sorryyy i cant be perfect!)

*i try to give the best of myself so others will give the best of themselves (ive figured this doesnt always work but its worth a try)

*im nice and polite even to people i dont like.

*i avoid breaking peoples heart so mine wont be broken (not always get positive results)

ok so those are some of the nicer qualities of mine. im asking for another favor... i know i know im no one to be asking for favors, but a friend in need is a friend indeed or whichever and i need some help. you know my mom always told me i have this mission and people who have missions have to suffer a little to be strong and again bla bla bla. but im getting a little tired thus i suggest you give your mission to someone else, i dont want it.

ok ok... i want it.... but i need to see some positive results here. at least one give me that. pah leezeeee. oh and i have a question dudette, why in the world where man invented to be such sleeze? i mean i understand we have to be the one's to rock this boat of life, but do we need such a burden?!

well im gonna say goodbye now... noooo wait, i have another question.... is it ok if i become a nun just cause i dont want to be a lesbo but want no contact with men? or should i just stick to being a prune? i think id be a good nun.... but i want babies... i dont know...helppppp

always your dearrr admirer
shei shei.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Drowning in a cup of wine

what has love turn to? the suffocating feeling of soul searching and finding nothing but deception. what will we tell our children, when they wonder how they will feel when they "fall inlove"? do we tell them that falling is exactly that and eventually you'll feel the cold hard truth break your back as you try to land upright? or do we let them imagine that perhaps they will not go through the suffering that we have known through these twenty something years?

what has love turn to? the hopeless sensation of being stuck in a boat under a thunderstorm and finding no safety in this furious sea. has this what it has come to? to underestimate the power of such emotion, minimizing it into just a chemical reaction in this circus of chemical romances? could i then react to some sort of farmaceutical reliever that will help me avoid such a misinterpretation?


-----------0----------0------------0-------------0-------------0--------------0----

standing over the corner table staring out on the abyss
coffee and cigarretes to keep her company wearing only
sundays best. the lonely people often come by this wasteland
of tears. still days after today she will be here staring
into this midnight highway, expecting that one day the sunsets
will stop falling and her days will be brighten by the burning sun
dreaming of days that seem to have no rest, she's looking for love
in all the wrong places, always asking herself where are you going,
if the road is to the north and shes walking south towards adelaide.
and when the party starts at hotel roosevelt, she dances with tears
in her eyes allowing the volcano of emotions to explode in front
of all these strangers that look at her in dismay. and to her apollo
she calls out begging him not to walk away but from afar he waves bye
bye beautiful.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Sunday Blues



everlasting thoughts in the midnight sky

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Between Changing Sunsets and Evening Stars





me at the beach

eyes that never lie, i wonder what mysteries you hide inside, have you seen my soul today? ive hidden it so far down i cant seem to reach it, mind if you try? and in the different in our aspects, looking in our eyes you can find the same emotions, the same complexion, the same perdition that we had, we've had to grow perhaps too many long years ahead of our age, but as our minds grow, so does our hearts, so does are friendship. (ME AND STACEY AT THE BEACH)

armando and me. explaining that at 17 and at 21 i still have the same body, its just... well..... that picture is sexy.... and in a sweater like i am now.... is not sexy.... the flu (which i have) is not sexy and being a little insy drunk is not sexy..... (ive decided to not drink anymore.... btw)..... and my hair.... though beautiful.... looks much better long (its growing again....)

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Building blocks

i have these friends i wouldnt trade for the world, everyone makes my life shine a little brighter. under the stars we play pictionary, charades, we speak, we eat, we make a history where in everyone one of our stories at least one of us is present.

how come ive found you all now? is it because i needed to lose so many to appreciate so few? but i rather have so little of you and know each one like the back of my hand than have a thousand friends and not know anyone one.

honestly.... i have a poem.... but right now im just glad, ive found these 5 or 6 or how many they are today human beings that guide my hearts... and ive made a new female frienddd (i really hard for me) and shes is my new partner in crime... or she will be....

Run away hearts

the music plays under the moonlight sky, empty roads enhance until they are no longer visible. the vision of you seems to be fading. speed limits seem to be unforgiving. fresh tears fall from the midnight sky, wiped away by the hands in front of the windows. darkened road lit up by the fog lights that seem to guide the way into nowhere. miles and miles pass across the countryside, like the days seem to drift into night, until sunrise is no longer an option. is there a hotel up in the highway in the streets of indifference. will there be a room to spare for a tired heart looking for a place to rest? lonely people seem to take up companionship in this wasteland of emotions. masking themselves playing a game of charades. everyone is searching, everyone finding nothing, looking for the invisible, hoping this time destiny will be at their side. fate has taken a vacation, a room up in saint Tropez while a mass of empty souls walk the earth as if they were fooled by their sad hearts. hear it now, hear it dear, the summer is fading, snow takes its place instead, they are no long here.

writing nonstop

playing out the game
i broke into the trade
expecting to find a solution
for the mysteries in this,

i thought id feel something
if only you were there
but though the roads have changes
i can only say your the one that
i wanted here to stay.

i guess i could just make pretend
that feelings had nothing to do
with the lies that you told me
in the first place, i can only
wait for you to realize your the
only one losing here.

i can only caress the idea that life
will eventually reward me for
this good behavior of trying to find
something that ive lost along with
my innocence.

can i help but believe that you will
never stay here with me, if only i
could pretend that when i open my
eyes youll be next to me, but dreaming
is just a thought playing around with
our emotions.