i wish i had chosen a different life, and perhaps i'd have a different answer to the questions i seem to ask myself daily. i might believe its all just tears and pain but to someone else could it just be sunflowers and open fences. because all my fences seem to have closed and i am locked, like an animal, inside this ackward looking palace.
some might say that i have everything i could desire and have no need to shed silent tears. but has anyone ever wondered that perhaps i dont desire material things and of all i have, i wish mostly for sentiments i have yet to experience. this short life that i have lead seems filled with voids and unanswered questions, i might be having an existencial crisis, all because of you.
could i erase my history and start on a clean slate and that way perhaps in the end i'd still be holding his hand. cause in the end, thats all there is, thats all you can feel, the lose of something that you value as though it were a part of your soul, and perhaps; maybe in a certain degree it was.
should i just keep believing im a disapointment and sometimes i wonder what would have happened if my heart hadnt gotten addicted to you, but then perhaps its addicted to your rejections. i want to believe that you are the one that got away and after you there's only been one, one that has touched the deepest parts of my emotions, but unlike you he leaves me stranded on a deserted island and in his boat he circles the grounds on which i stand watching me wave my hands in a pointless attempt to call his attention, but as he watches from the distance, he looks in dismay knowing he'll never really reach the island.
i have seen alot for the age i have but perhaps thats all been in vain. if i hadnt seen everything from such an amazing view and instead blinded my sight from seeing so much in such short time, i wonder, i wonder if that made it all it is today. because perhaps had i closed my eyes and not been seduced by the illusive lights that captivated images disguised in beauty, my life would have meant so much more.
and still i believe... everything would have been different.