There's music in love, love in music, and life is all in between

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Making a mistake

pmsing makes me remember all that i dont have.

so im pmsing.... but then... i never write anything happy.... well psychological explanation every artist is neurotic and if they werent they wouldnt be able to
do the things they do, so if im crazy i hope in the end, someone wil recognized that im this way cause i want to connect and i want to create... i want to be art, even if that means i have to be neurotic... i like my weirdness kinda makes me feel special.

goodbye song

pardon me sir, are you the record keeper of my heart?
cause i just want to know when was the last time i
felt love.

pardon me sir, are you the guardian thats keeping me
apart from all that i am suppose to reach past the gate
of love.

i know i shouldnt be asking this and i know i shouldnt
be saying this but i cant seem to find the answers any
place other than this

i just want be loved like the rays love the sun and i
just want to be the shooting star that lands in his heart,
cause i just want love.

nothing is sadder than away

the box wrapped in red i took it down from its shelf
i considered opening what i thought was pandora's box
slowly i pulled the tape that kept it closed. it flew
open and the memories all started invading the room, i
tried shutting it but it was to strong for my control,
i ran and slammed the door behind me, my heart beating
out of my heart.

i went to the beach, were i thought i could think. i let
the water crash into my feet, but slowly the waves retreated
and the sea was calmed and behind my reflection i saw a dark
cloud, and inside the colors seem to be revolving inside it.
it was angry, it was sad, it was veangeful, then it was silenced.

i tried to keep a distance from this cloud, but everytime i looked
back it was there. i got used to the dark cloud, sometimes it was
far away, sometimes it kept closer. it became a part of me.

i turned around one day and stared at it and in the wind the answer
to my question came. it was my past that followed me around, somedays
it became part of my present but it was there to remind me of what
once was and of what now is.

i dont think much of the past, i rather see ahead but the miopia doesnt
let me look far ahead, so i have a cloud and im unable to see to far off.
so i stick to the present. but every now and then i sit and talk to the
past, and sometimes i put on a pair of glasses and see ahead. but they are
both deceiving.


im scared that i lost you before i had you, and im scared ill never be able
to meet love. i think he;s my lost hope for love, but most of all, i think
im already hopeless.


Monday, June 26, 2006

boxes of wornout hand me down dreams

and maybe some quotes will help explain it better than i would right now:

"take me in no questions asked you strip away the uglyness that surrounds me, are you an angel, am i already that gone i only hope that i wont dissapoint you"

"you are my sweetest downfall and i loved you first"

"Long before we ever touch long before we knew too much, i wish we were strangers again"

"I think i need a sunrise im tired of the sunsets"

"forget the urgency, but hurry up and wake my heart is starting to seperate"

"and here we go again with all the things we said and not a minute spent to think that we'd regret, so we just take it back, forget the things we swore we meant"

im looking for something, that i lost on a sunny day, sitting at the edge of a broken log. because the log is still there, and the burning memories are still there. but what once was there, is gone now. and when i walk past the logs and sit at the edge of these stairs, i cant forget the tears and the aching sound of my heart breaking, so i try to look away but the feeling its still there. whats not there is what i lost long ago, i cant seem to find it anymore.

so i tried searching deep in the forest past where my eyes could see, then i tried closing my eyes and just feeling, then i tried looking in plain view, ultimately i decided i shouldnt look anymore. because not in the deep, nor in the dark, not even in plain view did i find it. and so i stuck to waiting, cause you always hear, it'll drop from the air when you least expect it. but then time flew faster than i could ever realized it, and nothing but raindrops dropped over my head.

yesterday staring at the stars wishing for a dream to every single one, the sky started to cry and its tears were heavy and fearful, so along with it i cried too, except that this time no tears would fall, and no matter how hard i tried, i wouldnt weep. i imagined the sky cried for me, so i layed there on the hard cold cement, staring at the suffering skies while the stars faded away for a while, along with wishes i had made.

now i know im tired, tired of sitting waiting to find what i had lost, it could be, you only get it once and after that you could just play make pretend. but i was never good at acting so all im left is to sit, ponder and perhaps one day ill be able to weep again. but for now, ive given up on the wait, ive given up on a foolish belief that if you want something so bad and you pray real hard, you wish real hard and when a shooting stars flies by you put all your thoughts on that one desire and it will come true... cause ive yet to see that happen.

"i dont want it to drive THEM crazy, i want it do drive ME crazy"

Sunday, June 25, 2006

existential crisis

hello is anybody out there?
stop playing hide and seek,
i quit this game a long time

hellooo is anyone out there?
im tired of waiting.

I give up on this

perhaps im just bad luck,
this story has ended before
it began. ive learned that
perhaps there is a possibility
i've given up on love.

i wondered how long would it
take for someone to love me
for me, but then maybe im
just bad luck.

i wrote the perfect love song,
and with tears for fears i tore
it up and burned it along with
my heart.

perhaps ive given up on love.
but it could be that love
gave up on me.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

The rainbow first

i threw rocks at the rainbow to try to make it disappear
i tried closing my eyes and wishing to see only blue skies
but the rainbow stayed there.

i've ran after the rainbow, then i tried walking,
that didnt work so i tried driving out to reach it,
but still i could catch up to it.

thats when i realized how sad it was to see a
rainbow, such beauty that seems unreachable, it
all reminded me of you.

i decided to turn my back on the colors, thinking
if i didnt look at it, then i could imagine it
wasnt there.

but i started missing the colors for now everything
seemed dark, so through the corner of my eyes i looked
towards the rainbow, but i started to cry.

i realized i couldnt led it go and again the colors
seemed to have captivated me, and i lost myself in

the only problem is that though im lost in you, like
the rainbow you keep yourself so far away, still i cant
let you go.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

a dream... a rainbow.. a light..

i saw a rainbow yesterday
i thought it was a sign.
it might have been that you
were calling.

so i raced and tried to
find the end, but the miles
came and went and it seemed
to reach the sea.

i took a boat and rowed till
i felt the sun overcome me,
and still i found no end,
no way to reach you.

i saw a rainbow yesterday
and i thought it was a
sign of love,but perhaps
i might have been wrong.

i cried for hours till i
could no longer see the
colors that painted the sky,
i stopped running, stopped
rowing, and finally i could
see an end.

it may have ended or it might
have begun, i dont know what side
to look for, all i could ever
see is you.

and stranded in a lullaby of
skies and dreams, the rainbow
faded away.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

inexistent love


You have been formally denounced by the homo sapien Sheila Agudelo, for deliberatly shooting your arrows directly at her. the plaintiff accuses you of being a bully. she claims you have shot her various times, under difficult circumstances where she has been left with irreplaceable damages.

we are sancioning you to 48 hours of community services; you are no longer to use your arrow for a minimum of 2 months and you are also not to get near 50 feet of the plaintiff. your case will be formally exposed tomorrow in the supreme court of holiness.

Saint Job

----------- ---------------------------- --------------------------- -------------

Dear cupid,

this is your second warning. we have been informed that while on probation you have been taking range courses to shoot your arrow. with this you have used this to shoot arrows at mrs. Sheila Agudelo from long range distances.

your arrows have caused her troubles and pains, also has left her bruises where she can neither sit, breath or enjoy her daily activities. we have decided to take extreme measures with this.

since people have complained about missing your arrows, we have taken measures with the plaintiff, allowing her to wear protective clothing to avoid your arrows hitting her.

supreme judge
--------------- -------------------- ----------- ----------- ------------- ---------


listen, this girl is really getting a grudge on you, the joke aint funny anymore. seriously as a friend im warning you to back the hell up man you gonna get shot! your mother and i have discussed this situation and it aint pretty, she angry man you gonna get grounded.

we also discussed your choice of dressing, its getting old, a grown man in pampers it just makes you loose all style.

your judge

Sunday, June 11, 2006

With the moon in my head

i collect the songs to fill voids,
to be able to hear what my heart is
too afraid to say. the guitar plays
softly in the background as i start
to feel that tingling feeling down
my back. i close my eyes and try to
sing along, feeling the sadness in
my voice thats trying to hide the
hollowness of my soul. and with the
moon in my head i try to make my
own music and perhaps express all
these hidden sentiments. but the
words dont seem to come out and
so i keep being the song collector
and perhaps one day ill be brave
enough to collect my own voice.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

how many stars to reach your heart?

its nice to know someone's listening.... or in this case reading.... ;)

you are eyes are colored like the sky, ever changing with glimpses
of mystery that hides well within them. it bears the yellow of the
sun, the tourquoise colors of the sea and if that well wasnt enough
you add a little bit of brown to soften it all up. i've gotten lost inside them
before, i guess i left myself be tempted by the beautiful colors that
your soul radiated.

i dreamnt with you today and in my dream i had to let you go. i didnt
cry and i didnt try to stop you, i held my head up high and waved a
bitter goodbye. in this dream i tried to avoid dropping you off and
seeing you go. i'd had liked to ask you to come back down and maybe
in the future you could find a way to come back to me.

Monday, June 05, 2006


not the answer i was looking for

i write you just to let you know im alright

im crying because i know this is the way its suppose to be
and maybe i deserve it, im pretty sure i do. ive been trying
to fix this, thinking perhaps if im different things will be
different too... but they never are. so should i give up now
or keep going around in circles over this crowd of broken
dreams, stepping on the broken pieces of my heart. i just want
to run so far, so fast where i am unable to be catched. but
i cant run, i have no breath left, i fear my heart has stopped
beating, its lost so much blood. so tell me what to do and tell
me where to go, cause i just cant see myself moving foward. im
about to give up, im about to let go.

Sunday, June 04, 2006


i never write in spanish cause i think i suck at it.... it makes me happy to see your comments but even more curiosity of who is this?

to be real

belief in the mystic energy that seems to overpower our being
turning us into acrobats in this circus of forgotten thoughts
of happiness. how can i change my mind if i lost it when i met you.
and in the pieces of a calender that we call days, you choose one
to make a gesture. perhaps as reminder why we started this
game in the first place. how can i look towards this if i've
forgotten these feeling exist. and i can taste the sweet embrace
of attitudes mixing seduction with selfless acts of kindness.
is it possible that today in this circus im playing the part of
the buffoon instead of the swan princess. how can i be sure
that this feeling is real and not just another case of mistaken
identity. it surely hides well between all the other emotions
confusing those who already seemed troubled by their helpless
minds. but ive been seduced by the flaring fire that's playing
between the lines of this circus, it might be the act of a magician
who's secrets i dont wish to know

Feeling infused by the confused

how can drive you there
where i dont where to go
but i dont want to let go
feeling empty.

how can i catch a train
that'll lead me the right way
to steal your heart away
and hide it to keep it safe.

tell me what i should do
i dont know what to do,
im thinking all these thoughts
not all of them are good

cause i fear i might get hurt
and i fear i might have to
let go, but im standing here

how can i dream of this if
i never fall asleep.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

He who reached so far for a star, he landed among them.

i would have wanted to save you, if only i could have saved myself first.
bitter irrelevant gesture that i make today in consequence of things i cannot
change. you ran through life without hesitating and you ran out of breath, i didnt even catch up to you, till it was too late.

i would have loved to save you, if onlly i had the courage to have said the things i left unsaid. perhaps i could have told you, you were special to me, and i would have stayed out with you till the stars fell asleep.

i would have tried to save you, but i didnt think i could, and if you hadnt left o soon would you still be breathing, thinking, sleeping; and in your sleep would you have thought of me and then perhaps i could have shared a part of this story with you. could we had looked back and thought of how we saved our lives?

i would have promised to save you, if only i had known it make a difference. i still cant forget you, that never crossed my mind. i still you smile, waving from your car that raced too fast down the highway and never stopped for a kiss goodbye.

you're image will always creep into mind. i will always miss you No Regrets, its been four years.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Your palace... My prison

well im not gonna pretend that
im not trying to save you (cause i am)
im hoping for new light
im just waiting for that
call tonight.

you know you were the one
that brought peace enough
to my heart, i wanna save
you, i wanna kiss you...
the dawn is breaking, i
feel you falling.

i want to catch you, i
fear im losing this epic
battle between your heart
and your brain.

break it down for me easily
and tell me you need to let
me go, and your sad to see
me off.

and here we go, onto this
same old game of make pretend,
your sweet doll to keep you warm
at night and in the day, you keep
her locked in, preventing the
recirculation of activities unknown.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

beautifully imperfect

she hides perfectly behind her smile
who's poison crawls into every cell of
his body and knocks him out. she looks
perfectly saint in her white dress and halo
placed impecably over her head.

she tares her dressed apart and looking in
an oblique maner she hangs her walking shoes
over a tree and runs for cover. where could i find
her, my friend, you were never suppose to lead my
way back into ssanity.

and having dound the same stability which i had not yet been so
aware off, i pray to god he hears me when i say i need to din you
help and perhaps a string to dangle your heart away.

Empty chairs

if ever there were someone as sweet as you,
i have yet to meet them. outcasted, denied
your right to surpass yourself. i remembered
when i loved you, i still think of you often,
never forgetting we cant hold any regrets. the
ghosts still follow me around, i still see tribal
markings in the streets. had things gone differently
would i have gotten my chance to tell you, you helped
me change my life, you taught me to be simple, to simply
be me.

if ever there was someone as understanding as you,
i have yet to meet them. crazed and detained you tried
breaking out of chains that werent tied to you in the first
place. tell me where i could go, so i could see your smile one
last time. if i follow you there will i get my chance to dance in
the saloon with you. lost in cleopatra's myst i have tried to become
the pharoan but it just doesnt work the same if you arent here to lead
me in the right directions.

i miss you like the sun misses the moon, like the stars miss the daylight, like raindrops miss the clouds. there can never be anyone like you and anyone to take your place in my heart, had i known this time was so short, id taken advantage of it and perhaps that last kiss made permanent