and maybe some quotes will help explain it better than i would right now:
"take me in no questions asked you strip away the uglyness that surrounds me, are you an angel, am i already that gone i only hope that i wont dissapoint you"
"you are my sweetest downfall and i loved you first"
"Long before we ever touch long before we knew too much, i wish we were strangers again"
"I think i need a sunrise im tired of the sunsets"
"forget the urgency, but hurry up and wake my heart is starting to seperate"
"and here we go again with all the things we said and not a minute spent to think that we'd regret, so we just take it back, forget the things we swore we meant"
im looking for something, that i lost on a sunny day, sitting at the edge of a broken log. because the log is still there, and the burning memories are still there. but what once was there, is gone now. and when i walk past the logs and sit at the edge of these stairs, i cant forget the tears and the aching sound of my heart breaking, so i try to look away but the feeling its still there. whats not there is what i lost long ago, i cant seem to find it anymore.
so i tried searching deep in the forest past where my eyes could see, then i tried closing my eyes and just feeling, then i tried looking in plain view, ultimately i decided i shouldnt look anymore. because not in the deep, nor in the dark, not even in plain view did i find it. and so i stuck to waiting, cause you always hear, it'll drop from the air when you least expect it. but then time flew faster than i could ever realized it, and nothing but raindrops dropped over my head.
yesterday staring at the stars wishing for a dream to every single one, the sky started to cry and its tears were heavy and fearful, so along with it i cried too, except that this time no tears would fall, and no matter how hard i tried, i wouldnt weep. i imagined the sky cried for me, so i layed there on the hard cold cement, staring at the suffering skies while the stars faded away for a while, along with wishes i had made.
now i know im tired, tired of sitting waiting to find what i had lost, it could be, you only get it once and after that you could just play make pretend. but i was never good at acting so all im left is to sit, ponder and perhaps one day ill be able to weep again. but for now, ive given up on the wait, ive given up on a foolish belief that if you want something so bad and you pray real hard, you wish real hard and when a shooting stars flies by you put all your thoughts on that one desire and it will come true... cause ive yet to see that happen.
"i dont want it to drive THEM crazy, i want it do drive ME crazy"