There's music in love, love in music, and life is all in between

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Failed!

in an attempt to regain my sanity and get over my rummaging ideas I've tried various solutions resulting in disaster.

i noticed i started smoking more, every second i got actually, which now causes me to nauseate at the idea of smoking a whole cigarrette. seriously it was ridiculous, i could feel my lungs pleading "please no more", as my own mind started telling me to "get over it this isnt working.

secondly i gathered all my single friends, my 3 friends actually, and got them to take me out to drink so i might try to get drunk and forget for a couple of hours. DISASTER. please dont try this. although i didnt get the urge to dial any numbers, i did get so wasted i dont remember doing since i was in highschool. after i drank more than ive ever been able to hold and found myself about to throw up, i head to the bathroom and to no avail did i feel better, not cold water, 7up, trying to make myself through up, coca cola, water or milk help at all. so i decided to come home and have vowed not to drink for at least another week. which doesnt help because here im thinking alcohol will probably be my friend through this process. WRONG. i can here the bottles waving goodbye as they mockingly remind me now i wont be able to forget.

third ive realized ive eaten anything thats put in front of me or bought anything that i can put into my mouth. which in the moment causes me great pleasure but after a while guilt knocks at my door "you know im here, let me in, im here for the month".

so far i feel worse than i started. but i am reading the most amusing book that gives me a little hope and the fact that i know "this too shall pass" i might just begin to get better.....

wish me luck....

so far ive decided the streets a little crowded i might just stay home, but that could be depression making its way home.... ive got the alarm set, so fear not my friends, if it comes too near i will call the emotions police.....


Feeling of the day: a little better

Strength: with a foot out the door

predictions: scared to death.....