There's music in love, love in music, and life is all in between

Thursday, September 25, 2008

My fallen angel

I have this picture i cant seem to find.....

its you holding onto me, helping me blow out the candles on my two year old cake. Sometimes i think they might all be wrong, and this is a dream i'll soon wake up from. The reality hits hard, when im awake, and i listen to the same song that reminds me of you, or how at 23 hearing "La bamba" feels the exact same way it did when i was 5. who knows... you might have hated the song, but just in case, it still reminds me of you.

I wish i had a little more time
to fix all the wrongs the past
cost us.

to capture the essence of your
soul, and keep it safe from uneasy
hands.

i wish the world would make it up
to me, but granted, our love can
never be.

And in the silence of my room i
admit, i seem to be more like you
than id allow.

I'm left to hope that the universe
didnt not unfold as it should, and
that you'd feel the same way.


"be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle" - unknown

"forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves- to get well and move on"

"the journey of a thousand miles, begings with one single step"


Song of the day: Time- Sarah Mclachlan

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Unsuccessful battle against the block

"Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds
Yes, she enjoys nothing more" - Spill Canvas


and in the middle of the park stands a tree.
the leaves are heavy on its back. she comes
from afar and presses her hand on the chipping
bark and hears nothing.

------------------0-------------------------------0

it all amounts in simple words and all is lost
in a world where chaos plays the leading role.
She who wishes only to forget, is reminded of
the cloud above her head. It seems only to bring
dissapointment and regrets. He wishes to stay with
her, but the emotions seem to be stacked too high.
she pleads for him to let go and he says nothing.
She sees him from afar ignoring the cold stare and
tries to reach for him, but its too late. over her head
the rain starts falling. Another day, another cloud

0------------0----------------------0---------------0

where, she wonders, is her movie script ending,
because the happily ever after never came.

----------------0---------------------0-------------0

Song of the day: Polygraph, she knows - spill canvas

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The girl with the cloud over her head

In less than a month I've read 3 books (Monster of Florence, 15 minutes of shame, and I've finally finished reading Watermelon). Which is a sign of all the free time i have. I went from being a teacher to a senior in college with ambitions to unemployment -which is were I am at today-.

Apart from that, I've got a persistent writers block i cant seem to get rid off; and i do believe i've tried everything.... to no avail. things i've tried:

1. list of sappy love songs to be inspired by. (they've given me a headache and i cant stop singing them (or listening to the repeated -im leaving you, dont know if thats what i should do- oh there i go again).... and i got more tears than writing done.

2. cigarette soul searching stare (yes, there is such a thing). so i sit outside pretending the purpose is to smoke but actually just staring at nature who does nothing but annoy me with their mosquitoes and all. I try really hard to concentrate on the way the leaves move, but then come to the realization of how strange i must look -legs crossed, face on my hand, look of perplexion in my face-..... and a sigh... the end to that.

3. the bedroom stare. this is when i'm in bed laying on my back arms spread like a cross, staring at the fan in the ceiling. round and round it goes, i try to get thinking done and then i notice.... and there i come back into reality leaving the clouds behind....

finally my all time favorite...

4. Moon wishing. so i sit outside when everyone else is in bed and i stare at the moon looking through all the cracks and corners, looking at how it radiates, i see that there are barely any stars outside but they seem to shine vibrantly, i feel great, i sense ideas are about to run up into my conciousness in any minute and then..... my cellphone rings... and there goes that.



Song of the week: She Had the World


Quote of the day: "She said she won the world at a carnival"




Happy to report i see the sun out today, not so happy, they say it will still rain.....

oh sad sad world.... stay still for a while......

Monday, September 08, 2008

the rain makes me sad

i cant understand the effects of rain on my heart....


maybe its the fear of hearing the thunders striking

or they grey sky makes everything seems so sad.


puff....


make the sun shine....


.........................................................


ive spent my night watching postsecret.



I wish i could save the world.... little by little, id like to make a difference

Thursday, September 04, 2008

conversations

the rain wont stop, i havent seen the sun for days....

ahh the existencial crisis

anon: i was looking through pictures of oprah

anon2: uh! Oprah?

anon: she was wearing the same pair of sunglasses i own, i dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing.

anon2: Oprah?

anon: they look better on me.....

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

not made for a farm....

Nothing new to report....

mabella is still a brat....

nami still has no testicules....

having an apathetic mood....

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Tarot card says....

"Silence broken by your voice in the dark"


A note to my fallen angel:


i was thinking about you today.... still missing you.... still wishing i could say i love you.... still asking the what if....


what if you had stayed with me.... wait for me... love you angel! fall around me now.



still no solucion to this writers block.... perhaps i should leave this behind and write on paper yet again, start over from scratch.....


bee bop.... ting tun.... tra la la la la....


perhaps.... perhaps it is best to be silent.... perhaps....


im a wilted flower...


so.... i read my tarot card today... nothing new or exciting.... tarot card says i want to leave home (has he been talking to my therapist!?!).... apparently im going lo live till im 93, i wonder the certainty of that (he didnt notice the pack of cigarettes near me). possibly mistaken....


missing my twinkie tonite.... seems im missing everything!


saw my place tonight in quiet somber dreams,

a melancholic hole ive learned to call home.



weather changes for the lonely people that

put their souls away.




if only it were now, when it was then, perhaps i couldve saved you, it all could have been.

but if then was now, then perhaps i would have lost you twice..... i want to give to you, but more than words.... what to do with a worn out heart, hand it out?


summing up the day: i miss my fallen angel, i miss my twinkilino (ro , DUH), and i miss my No Regrets.....


Song of the day: Answer


Band of the day: Automatic Loveletter


Quote my heart out: "i dont need the answer i already know"